HUGGING: HOW THE HELL DO YOU DO IT?

Hugging someone sounds simple enough, doesn’t it? IT’S NOT. Most people are so awkward (me included) when it comes to something so easy it’s baffling. Maybe I have high hugging standards or maybe I am just a human?

SIDE HUGS BETWEEN MEN AND WOMEN ARE NOT ACCEPTABLE. EVER. We will revisit this later.

Let’s start with the girls. I’m not a big hugger of women. It actually makes me awkward, girl on girl hugs, but they are necessary sometimes. When you haven’t seen a bestie in a long time HUG. When you are going through a hard time, or your friend is going through something HUG. When you can’t contain your excitement about ANYTHING from a football win (if you have ANY respect) to an engagement, HUG… Now, if you’ve just met a new gal pal you don’t have to hug her, BUT side hugs (the ONLY exception) are acceptable. If it’s not a good friend, but you are happy to see them then give them a SOLID side hug. A SOLID side hug means you go in enough to touch the other girl’s side. Not just arm on arm. Make eye contact. Smile. Be pleasant.  If it’s a bestie you see frequently, you know the drill, let’s skip the hug; BUT NEVER underestimate the power of a hug, they are VERY powerful.

Boy on boy hugs are so happy. Y’all are genuinely happy. Smiling, going in for the full hug with some sort of handshake or fist bump or pat on the back. You truly mean them and you are always smiling. If you could translate that into how you hug a girl, your life would probably be easier. Just be genuine.  

Now, boy on girl hugs. The most important hug and for some reason the most difficult, for boys. If it is not a good friend, then just say hi to the girl, but follow her lead. If she goes in for the hug you best follow through with it. Side hugging a girl is a slap in the face, especially if you have EVER hooked up (you have absolutely NO respect). If you consider yourself friends a side hug is not acceptable. A side hug really just says you could careless. Kiss of death. Stop being awkward and full frontal hug the girl. Now, don’t get all weird because I said full frontal. I mean give a real life full hug. FACE ONE ANOTHER.  Let the girl’s arms be the lead and proceed to hug. A SOLID hug, one with the above directions plus a squeeze and/or linger, letting one know you are so happy to see them, or “it’s okay”, or you miss them, or I’m sorry, can fix a multitude of things. Once again, if either of you are going through something a hug can really let the other one know you are there for them. Some (most) guys have trouble expressing themselves, so let the hug do it for you. If you are in a fight hugging, a real, solid, meaningful hug can mend the fences.

ACCEPTABLE FROM BEHIND FULL HUG

If you can’t master this, you really need to go back to the basics. PRE-SCHOOL. Hugs can heal brokenness. They are the easiest action to do, and if you can do them right, then happiness and healing quickly follow. Hugs can be magical. Hugs are a way to show emotion when you yourself can’t. Shhhhh…. Just let it happen ;) HUG MORE, ASSHOLE LESS. Let us piece one another back together, hug-by-hug.

xoxo,

B

TRICYCLE: The Art of Being the Third Wheel

If one of the wheels blow out on a tricycle, you can unconventionally, hopefully get to your destination with just two wheels. A bicycle flat and you’re done. If I could get paid for being the third wheel in my relationships I’d be bathing in billions (the picture I’m envisioning is me in a bathtub full of money and its quite sexy, if I do say so myself). I wonder if it is a job?

10% of the time the couple is NOT one I want to go out with at all. I genuinely like one of you and maybe both but together y’all are HORRIFIC. The ones that stop hanging out with anyone but their significant other, blow me, and want to hang out when its convenient for them. No dice. If you go missing, then I will not reciprocate. Nails on a chalkboard bad. Changing who you are for your significant other bad. WHY ARE Y’ALL DATING? I just avoid that all together.

90% of the time I enjoy being the third wheel, it doesn’t bother me. When you and your significant other get in your disagreement of the night (there’s always at least one) even with the happiest of lovebirds, you turn to me (the third wheel). I am usually able to let y’all see both sides and diffuse the situation OR I at least agree with one of you completely and let the other one think they were right (the girl), but truly I try to nip the disagreement in the bud because someone is RIGHT and some is WRONG and let’s move on and have another shot. You two are fun, great, loving, genuine people. This seems like I’m writing this to one couple. I’m not. I feel like this for several of y’all. GOOD PEOPLE. You know who you are.

Y’all are my mini families. I have several and I’m not cheating on any of y’all just loving you in your own ways. Every couple is different. I thoroughly enjoy you as a couple and as separate people. Either my girlfriend’s boyfriend or my guy friend’s girlfriend… It all melts together and the blurred lines in this situation are great because we are all best friends. The 3 best friends that anyone could have. Maybe I do have favorites? Haven’t even thought about it. You’d assume so, since a singular person has best friends, a third wheel would have best couples.  I need my couples, they act as bodyguards and two bodyguards are better than one. The girl to be the bitch and the guy to fight, or just two supportive people, yes guys some of you are supportive, I know I have just shaken you to the core with this breaking news. The girls let the guys make me feel special, buy me drinks, harmless flirt. The guy trusts me enough to have his new girl as my new bff. It’s such a fun dynamic.

Now back to this being a job…  what if I was paid to sit at the bar of a restaurant while my friend was on a date (now I’m picturing myself like Dick Tracy), a scotch neat, and THAT hat. I get a text from my friend that the date is going poorly and pop up and save my friend or the date. This is for the SINGLE ones, sickos. That’d be badass. The company pays for my drinks and I get paid to hang out with at least one person that I love for relieving them from the awkwardness that is a bad date. Is this out there? Should I invent an app? I hereby copyright, trademark, the “Third Wheel, Save a Date” ©™ APP.

P.S. THIS BY NO MEANS MEANS I LIKE  BEING THE 5^TH, 7^TH, 9^TH, WHEEL. I’D RATHER JUMP. Let’s start small and STAY THERE.

I LOVE MY COUPLES.

xoxo,

B

FRIDAY FIVE-DAY: TOP 5 RANDOM THINGS FROM THIS WEEK’S NEWS I LOVE

1.     UNDERWEAR THAT LETS YOU LET LOOSE: LITERALLY. According to my fav guys at the Huffington Post, UNDERWEAR, men and women’s that neutralizes the smell of YOUR GAS, NOT MINE. I DON’T LOVEEEEE THIS…THIS IS NOT ME SAYING I DO THIS, AT ALL. EVER. OKAY. I think this is about the FUNNIEST thing I’ve ever heard of…. Let it go America, now you’re completely free.

http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2013/10/24/fart-filtering-underwear_n_4156400.html?utm_hp_ref=weird-news

22.     CLOWNS suspected of murdering a Mexican drug lord in Cabo... like what? AND THE CLOWNS WANT EVERYONE TO KNOW IT WASN’T THEM

http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2013/10/24/mexican-clowns-deny-drug-lord-assassin_n_4156044.html?ref=topbar

33.     The new Christian Grey is JAMIE DORNAN! I watched him in Once Upon A Time and he is perfection. He is BEYOND and so much better than Charlie Hunnam, sorry SOA fans. Charlie’s physique was too broad for the role. Jamie is scruffy, able to play the bad boy and has the acting chops. Can’t wait for a new upcoming actor to take on this BIIIIIG muhaha role

44.   According to Perez Hilton, Pauly D TEXTED his baby mama to get an abortion. SMUSH ROOM = SMUSH HEART … SO AWK

             

            http://perezhilton.com/2013-10-24-pauly-d-reportedly-asked-baby-mama-to-get-an-abortion/?from=blogroll_perezhilton#sthash.pXWBtYhW.dpbs

55.     Never knowing him prior, an Indiana woman weds the man she donated a kidney to 3 years ago. NOW IF THAT’S NOT FATE AND TRUE LOVE I DON’T KNOW WHAT IS?!?!?! NEVER GIVE UP ON LOVE…I have butterflies.

http://news.yahoo.com/ind-woman-donated-kidney-weds-organ-recipient-160311318.html

Sorry I’ve been a bad blogger this week, so busy! I promise you (my 3 readers) my A (not to be confused with Alison) game next week!

xoxo,

B

Pretty Little Losers: Thanks for NOTHING… a Segway to Ravensdick

I don’t know about y’all, but that was a TOTAL let down for me as the Halloween episode. No deaths and nothing the viewers didn’t already know.

 If you honestly didn’t know … SPOILER…  Ali is alive; you’re an idiot, but at least the liars FINALLY KNOW.

There are definitely a couple things to point out, it was nice of all the liars to dress like lesbians for the Graveyard Party, as to not out Emily to the Ravensdick community. Spencer was wearing the same outfit as the flyer, could mean something, and could mean nothing. I’m so glad they stayed smart this episode and went into every crevice of the haunted house alone... It literally kills me how they HATE lights and HATE to stay together.

Speaking of lesbians, Emily is the biggest pussy this episode. Is it politically correct to call a lesbian a pussy??? Her screams and facial expressions were so painful I can’t believe she’s allowed on TV.  Yes, Emily I’m looking at YOU to change the tire. Come on now Aria, Spencer and Han, we all know Em is the lipstick lesbian, who sometimes dresses as a member of the army. Now if Paige aka Bruce Willis aka Butch Cassidy had been there, tire would’ve been changed in 30 seconds, leaving them in their own car away from A I mean EZRA, for those of you still holding out hope that your crush isn’t “Board Shirts” the murderous felon. Where were you Paige? Are you part of the A team? Was their tire just flat or slashed? Absolutely NO SPECIFICS.

I wonder how many times Mrs. Grunwald, the old sorority pal of Ali’s with some sort of blue cataracts got paid for saying “you shouldn’t be here” 3 + times?

Spencer once again is a badass, trying to take down Ezra with hedge clippers in the greenroom, which looks like it gets TONS OF SUN (maybe we were seeing it through the eyes of Mrs. Grunwald…) For those of you that STILL don’t think Ezra is A, here are the clues from this episode: the song playing on the phone in the phone booth that calls Hanna back, was a song about World War One, Ezra was dressed up as a World War One Soldier wearing a gas mask (the gas mask from his lair in the summer finale). The girls stopped by the piano and briefly looked at the piece that was up “I Didn’t Raise My Boy to Be a Solider”… no Ezra’s creepy mom, you sure didn’t, he is just a murder.

In the final scene, after the girls see Alison alive and afraid for her life, her parting words to Hanna are “Remember what I told you in the hospital.”

            Season 1 after Hanna has been run over, Alison appears in the hospital and says to Hanna, “telling the truth to the wrong person at the wrong time is how I ended up here.” WHO DID SHE TELL? ARIA? Cece? Something to look out for in January, when the show comes back.

 Anyways, the Liars turn around and cue EZRA. Unfortunately, he has Aria’s phone for her in his left hand and his right remains in his pocket. Keep a look out for a gash that should appear since my main bitch Spence got him with the hedge clippers on the right hand, arm.

In the genius words of +Blake Cavender Blake Cavender, “OH Aria forgetting your cell phone. Really. NOBODY DOES THAT WITHOUT BEING EXTREMELY WASTED.” We all know the liars don’t drink unless it is straight roofies from a flask when someone’s REALLY upset.

So what have we learned? Alison is indeed alive. Ezra is A. Someone is a rat. Ali confided in someone about whatever Ezra did to her, whom told Ezra and started this whole chain of events. Is it you Aria, conveniently leaving your phone? Is it you Paige, MISSING? Is it you Cece who now works for Ezra? All things to think about.

Two SPOILERS for the upcoming season: someone gets married, my guess is Ella Montgomery and coffee haussssss boy AND with Caleb being out of the picture Hanna throws herself into mystery novels, and solving things, she suspects Ezra this season!!! Woohoo I’m totally down for some SPANNA crime solving action.

Until January

xoxo,

B

FRIDAY FIVE-DAY: Top 5 Random Things from THIS WEEK’S NEWS that I LOVE

1. As reported by the Huffington post… The Yeti aka Bigfoot might actually exist… I LOVE TO HATE THIS because my mom will continue watching “Finding Bigfoot”, yes the show that is made fun of on E!’s The Soup, because now she has even more reasons to think that those hillbillies, I mean scientists will ACTUALLY find The Yeti one episode, in turn ending the show (DOUBTFUL)

http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2013/10/17/yeti-exists_n_4116374.html

2. Harry styles ding-dong busts through his pants. If someone’s complaining about this… send the to me and I will punch them in the teeth. PRIORITIES GIRLS, PRIORITIES.

http://perezhilton.com/cocoperez/2013-10-17-one-direction-harry-styles-crotch-rip-melbourne-australia#sthash.qBeiNF7c.dpbs

3. According to the Huffington post (whom is so legit with the weird ish), a teacher passed out in front of his class after taking some vitamin, his morning heroin. Didn’t know that was a pick me up? Anyways, the reason why I LOVE THIS is because his name is Christopher Chiappetta… I mean is that Italian for chia pet? That last name gets me so good I cant even handle it

http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2013/10/17/christopher-chiappetta-teacher-heroin_n_4116925.html?ref=topbar

4. Woman calls 911 “No, I’m just too damn drunk” girl I get you, but DON’T tell on yourself?! Everyone of our friends would be behind bars if we called the cops on our selves and on top of that…DON’T BLOW

(breathalyzer) and take your keys out of the ignition you 55 year old scrub

http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2013/10/16/carol-frances-omeara_n_4110258.html?ref=topbar

5.  PRETTY LITTLE LIARS HALLOWEEN SPECIAL NEXT TUESDAY IS A 2 HOUR EVENT…………..NOW THAT IS WHAT I CALL LOVE RIGHT THERE... Don't worry sexy costumes went out the window this year so it might be hard to decipher between the straight liars and the lesbians ...

**** Your Bonus Miley Photo: photocred: Perez Hilton.... Gollum Cyrus

Out of commish till the PLL episode, can’t wait to dissect our four favorite gals, and Bruce “Paige” Willis… bringing my journal to take notes of this 2hour teaser… SO MANY THEORIES…. I already need a Xanax. 

xoxo,

B