If one of the wheels blow out on a tricycle, you can
unconventionally, hopefully get to your destination with just two wheels. A
bicycle flat and you’re done. If I could get paid for being the third wheel in
my relationships I’d be bathing in billions (the picture I’m envisioning is me
in a bathtub full of money and its quite sexy, if I do say so myself). I wonder
if it is a job?
10% of the time the couple is NOT one I want to go out with
at all. I genuinely like one of you and maybe both but together y’all are
HORRIFIC. The ones that stop hanging out with anyone but their significant
other, blow me, and want to hang out when its convenient for them. No dice. If
you go missing, then I will not reciprocate. Nails on a chalkboard bad.
Changing who you are for your significant other bad. WHY ARE Y’ALL DATING? I
just avoid that all together.
90% of the time I enjoy being the third wheel, it doesn’t
bother me. When you and your significant other get in your disagreement of the
night (there’s always at least one) even with the happiest of lovebirds, you
turn to me (the third wheel). I am usually able to let y’all see both sides and
diffuse the situation OR I at least agree with one of you completely and let
the other one think they were right (the girl), but truly I try to nip the
disagreement in the bud because someone is RIGHT and some is WRONG and let’s
move on and have another shot. You two are fun, great, loving, genuine people.
This seems like I’m writing this to one couple. I’m not. I feel like this for
several of y’all. GOOD PEOPLE. You know who you are.
Y’all are my mini families. I have several and I’m not
cheating on any of y’all just loving you in your own ways. Every couple is
different. I thoroughly enjoy you as a couple and as separate people. Either my
girlfriend’s boyfriend or my guy friend’s girlfriend… It all melts together and
the blurred lines in this situation are great because we are all best friends.
The 3 best friends that anyone could have. Maybe I do have favorites? Haven’t
even thought about it. You’d assume so, since a singular person has best
friends, a third wheel would have best couples.
I need my couples, they act as bodyguards and two bodyguards are better
than one. The girl to be the bitch and the guy to fight, or just two supportive
people, yes guys some of you are supportive, I know I have just shaken you to
the core with this breaking news. The girls let the guys make me feel special,
buy me drinks, harmless flirt. The guy trusts me enough to have his new girl as
my new bff. It’s such a fun dynamic.
Now back to this being a job… what if I was paid to sit at the bar of a
restaurant while my friend was on a date (now I’m picturing myself like Dick
Tracy), a scotch neat, and THAT hat. I get a text from my friend that the date
is going poorly and pop up and save my friend or the date. This is for the
SINGLE ones, sickos. That’d be badass. The company pays for my drinks and I get
paid to hang out with at least one person that I love for relieving them from
the awkwardness that is a bad date. Is this out there? Should I invent an app?
I hereby copyright, trademark, the “Third Wheel, Save a Date” ©™ APP.
P.S. THIS BY NO MEANS MEANS I LIKE BEING THE 5TH, 7TH, 9TH,
WHEEL. I’D RATHER JUMP. Let’s start small and STAY THERE.
I LOVE MY COUPLES.
xoxo,
B